February 22, 2012

When Your Child is the Bully

Physical bullying at school, as depicted in th... 

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Having your child be subject to teasing and bullying while at school can be heart-breaking for most parents. The feelings of helplessness often overwhelm parents and leave them unable to assist their child in coping with and solving the problem. However, the situation can be even more difficult for parents who discover that it is their child who is doing the bullying. When kids bully others at school, daycare or in other situations, parents often fail to recognize the signs. They may even praise their children for ”standing up for themselves” or ”not taking guff” from other kids. When they are forced to realized that their child’s behavior is unacceptable, they often blame themselves.

Of course, applying blame isn’t helpful and only diverts attention from the real issue, which is responsibility. When parents take responsibility for what they are teaching their children, they are also helping kids take responsibility for their own actions. This cycle is much more conducive to interrupting the trend of bullying and related school violence and is much healthier for all parties involved.

If your child is exhibiting bullying behavior, you must take immediate steps to stop this. Once you feel you have convinced the child that what he is doing is wrong, take a look at some possible causes for his behavior. You may need to consider counseling or at the very least schedule some conferences with his teachers, principal or guidance counselor. Your child needs to understand that bullying is a serious problemand that you are committed to helping him stop.

 

 

A Parent’s Guide to Helping a Child Cope With Bullying

While schools struggle to provide a safe educational environment, many children continue to be afraid of going to school. School administrations across the country are beginning to address bullying with stricter disciplinary acts in an effort to make attending school safe and enjoyable for children. However, these efforts are only effective if children come forward to report bullying. Most children are afraid that the bullying will become worse if they report it. Many parents are unaware that their child is being bullied. There are several warning signs and many things a parent can do to help their child.

The fist warning sign that your child may be taunted by a bully is the child’s unwillingness to go to school. The child may attempt to fake an illness so he or she can stay home from school. While this is a warning sign that is often over looked, it is important for a parent to question and investigate why their child does not want to attend school. If your child is adamant about not attending school one day, allow your child to stay home. If you can, spend the day with your child, begin a conversation with your child about why they do not want to go to school. Above all, let your child know that you love him or her. Allow your child to talk and assure your child you are there to help. If you child confides in you that he or she is being bullied, immediately contact school officials to file a complaint. These complaints are handled in a confidential manner. You child’s teachers will be made aware of the situation and will monitor the situation closely. Talk with your child daily and let your child know that he or she is not to blame.

Protecting children from bullying is a challenge that many parents face. Developing open communication with your child will help him or her feel more secure knowing you are there to help.

Administrative Responsibilites and School Violence

In the war on school violence, counselors can play an integral part in assisting the potentially violent student. However, before they can assist a troubled student, counselors need to recognize signs of violent students. Then, the counselor will need to take steps toward helping the student re-establish lost connections, control feelings of anger, and acknowledge the worth of every single being. Identifying a Potentially Violent Student Although counselors will depend heavily on teachers to point out troubled students, counselors should also watch for any signs of violent tendencies, such as the following: – Feeling outcast or alone – Not identifying with a group/not having many or any friends – Fighting or arguing often – Taking risks – Vandalizing property – Hurting animals – Planning to hurt others – Drug or alcohol abuse – Fascination with weapons – Decreased grades/poor performance – Distancing oneself from former friends or activities Addressing Troubled Students Students leaning toward violence should be addressed as soon as the counselor is aware of the child’s tendencies. The child should be removed from class, and a thorough psychological assessment should be administered. A student who is a danger to himself or to others should be taken to the appropriate care facility immediately. A child who is not an immediate danger can receive school attention and guidance. The counselor should address the student’s issues through standard protocol and follow up as necessary. Also, involving the parents is one key toward the child’s recovery. By showing parental concern and adult involvement, the parents and counselor can together influence a child away from violent tendencies. Recent research has also suggested that developing analytical-thinking skills in children can decrease violent tendencies. A child who can solve a problem by thinking outside the box will feel more able to address issues in a non-violent manner. Overall, a child with violent tendencies can begin to think in a non-violent manner with the proper direction and parental participation.

Administrative Responsibilities and School Violence

Recent studies have proven that parental involvement in a potentially violent child’s treatment will often influence the child to overcome obstacles which may contribute to the child’s violent tendencies. However, the task of involving a parent may be daunting to administrators since parents can be resistant to the possibility of having raised a violent child. How, then, do administrators encourage parents to address the issues in their child’s life? Introducing the Violence Issue To begin the discussion, counselors may invite the parents to their office or request a time for a home visit. The parents may feel more comfortable in their own home. Upon invitation, the counselor may address his concerns. An opening showing concern and compassion will be more well-received than an accusation, so a counselor may wish to open with a statement such as, “I am concerned about your son’s recent withdrawal from the basketball team.” This open-ended concern may encourage the parents to address their own concerns. If this is the case, listen to the parent’s concerns. Even if their parenting style seems offensive, a counselor should never criticize the parents. Instead, focusing on the positive aspects of their parenting and suggesting additional tactics and techniques can help establish a working parent-counselor relationship. During the visit, it is important to determine if the teen is a danger to the family. Many parents with violent teens may have been abused by or in danger of abuse from their children. Establishing an open, non-judgmental line of communication can encourage abused parents to seek assistance. At this point, ensure the parents are not in immediate danger and refer them to appropriate information or authorities. No one deserves to be assaulted, and parents should always feel safe. Overall, being open to parental concern, offering assistance, and ensuring parents are safe from harm can all go a long way toward cementing a relationship with a violent child’s parents in an effort to help the child.